New

The last 6 months have been a blender of events, emotions, reactions, restrictions and enlightenments. My ideas of what was and what wasn't were shattered. But in the shock and awe of that disillusionment was a new perspective. And that's a gift.

Alteration and shake-up is something that is uneasy and unnatural. The foundation beneath you and the next steps that always seemed so predictable and thoughtless are no longer there. But after the stumbling and the panic, the tears and the despair, comes new footing.

Although I like to think that 27 is still considered to be young, I have seen these waves over my lifetime and I look forward to what the high tide will bring me. But this is scary. It's like running through the woods in the darkness scary. I go from exhilaration to fear that a tree branch is going to meet my face.

I am so used to being in control of what I am doing in life and what comes next. I always had the inclination that letting go and just allowing life to flow is an admission of weakness. Get your white flag out! But day by day, hour by hour I am getting used to this new approach. It's okay to release your grip and let some fresh air into situations. (As you can see, I'm actively convincing myself of this!).

Sooooooooooooooooo...Here I am. This smile? It's all mine.

*E*

Back in the Saddle Again

It has been too long since I have visited my post. But so much has changed in this time frame. While my goals are still in place, the hill became larger and the road a little bit rougher. But indeed this makes the victory that much sweeter. And I have my sights set on just that.

In February, my long term relationship came to an end. The pain and the change that I went through and continue to battle have absorbed much of my energy. Some days I needed all my strength just to keep my head above water. And those "some days" are still around.

While my struggle is deep and the road is far from easy, I know God's will in my life is strong and alive. He has a plan and a joy in store for me that I cannot begin to comprehend.

So, I am getting back on my own two feet. I am blessed with what I have been given and by the road that I have traveled. It is preparing me for what is in front of me.

So back on the saddle I am indeed. Pray for me and for my strength.

- E

Time

1 month...My how time flies. This how long I've been on the bus. I can hardly believe it. It's 1 month of determination and pursuit accomplished.

Time is a beautiful thing. It has given me a track record. And a track record I am very proud of. It is 1 month of consistency and constant decision making. And has resulted in me losing 15lbs, so far.

Time is also a dangerous thing. As much as I know I have done, I also feel a sense of anxiousness and discontent. When you put everything you have into a goal, you want to arrive at the finish line quickly. After all, you deserve it, don't you?

Along with this kind of frustration, comes a bit of danger. This very symptom of frustration is enough to derail the train.

But I continue to talk myself through these moments. These thoughts are real and they are okay. Everyone has them. But at this very moment, you are left with a choice. A "vs." if you will.

Sure, you can stop and agree that this is a process that is too much and takes too long to get to where you are going. But what if you convert that frustration into motivation?

If I think about it, I have this battle every day. The only difference is that in my other areas of life, the motivation and the passion come completely naturally. So, this very conversation that seems so raw and so poignant happens deep within and my long standing habit most always wins out.

While I will value time to celebrate my progress, I will keep it at bay. It is just information.

After all, this journey is not a start and stop kind of journey. It is a change in habit and a change in lifestyle. A habit that will have no time line and no ending.

One day these conversations will be muffled and my long standing habit of health and fitness will always win out. More than a race and more than that striking, slinky black dress I see myself in. This is my life long commitment.

*E*

Vs.

It's no secret why we as humans avoid going against the grain. Quite simply, it's easier.

While moving with the current doesn't always lead us in the right direction, it allows us to avoid ruffling any feathers, risking failure and making things complicated. It allows us to blend in.

I spent the first 20 years of my life doing just that. Blending in. Don't get me wrong, life wasn't half bad. It allowed me to take the decision out of my life and allowed me to follow the paths of those that I thought had it all together. I had convinced myself I was brought into the world to be a follower and a failure. Why change fate?

At some point when I wasn't looking, others saw something in me I hadn't yet recognized in myself. From that moment on, I began to rotate. I began swimming up stream.

It didn't take long for me to realize the harder the leap, the more incredible the landing. Unfortunately, I assumed what God had planned for me vs. asking Him.

My plight for 13.1 is no different. Unfortunately most of the opposition I face comes from within myself.

Staying late at work drafting rate sheets and handling follow ups vs. Leaving for the gym to get closer to the finish line.

Rolling through the drive-thru for an easy lunch vs. Staying up late to cook and prepare all of my meals for the following day

But I smile at the vs. For that weight we so often face is the true catapult we are given. The true chance for us to rotate and keep swimming up stream.

*E*

The Beginning and the End

Anyone that knows me, knows my near obsession with music. Water boarding reminds me of a day at the spa when I picture not having music as the backdrop to my life.

Today I looked down at the "Tune" button on the dash in my car and realized I have pressed it so many times that the color on it has faded away. Now, that either backs up my obsession with music or identifies me as indecisive. I'll bank on the former...

So, as I was jamming along to the likes of Depeche Mode, Tiesto, The Police and Rage, I was matching the groove to my pace. 4.1...4.3...4.5...phew...4.2...3.8... Back and forth. Ebbing and flowing.

No fading button, but a beautiful mixture of an obsession of accomplishment and an occasional indecisive body. I love the marriage of the two.

Every day I am making progress and every day I wake up with a sense of pride. Not for where I am today. But rather where I know I am headed.

Indeed my journey moves forward "one foot at a time"...

So, I leave you with a story that will make you chuckle most definitely at my expense.

I came out of the gym tonight, headed into the locker room to collect my things and wipe my brow. I was sweating something awful and breathing like I was down to my last breaths. I walked over to the wall and bent over in exhaustion. While bent over, I reached up and grabbed what I thought was a paper towel. "Hmmm..." I thought. "This is the cheapest, thinnest paper towel in, well, the history of paper towels." As I wiped my face, I stood up in complete confusion and looked down at the crumbled paper. Paper towel? Not so much. Toilet seat cover? Absolutely.

Talk about feeling like a complete, A.., well, you get the picture.

*E*

Oddities and Commodities...

Too long. Since my last post that is.

I am sure there are millions of Americans waiting in suspense and

wondering if that Emily girl has aborted her mission as she has her

post.

Au contraire!!

While the posting has been suffering, my journey has been

progressing. Phew. You can relax now.

See...I told you I was in it for the long haul.

No turning back now.

This week was just one of those weeks for me. Returning after

vacation. Beginning of new year. I had so much follow up to

handle at work I cannot even begin to tell you. I am busier than

ever meeting with customers and getting deals on the table.

Believe me when I say I wouldn't have it any other way.

Because my schedule was so chaotic and jam packed, it was a

great cross roads for me to be at.

This was going to test my priorities. After 12 hour days, my true

colors were going to show. And they did. I found myself hitting the

gym. Day after day. As I was leaving work in the dark, I found

myself looking forward to turning up the music on my way home

and getting my running sneakers on.

That to me proved progress. Maybe more than feeling saucy in

my jeans.

The gym is indeed a wild place to be. Depending on my arrival

time, the shift of people is different.

For some reason, I must have "Talk to me" written on my t-shirt

because I am a target for odd conversation. From the guy who

decided to make a point about a family member killed in Balto

yesterday and his brother already wearing a homemade colored

t-shirt in his brother's honor...to the girl asking me about the latest

development in David Hasselhoff being kicked off of "America's

Got Talent."

Very colorful people I sweat with.

And very colorful I become when I sweat. My mother is the originator

of the "my face is purple because I exercised" look. She has

delightfully passed that along to me. Even when I was in middle

school after a rousing game of dodge-ball, my gym teacher inquired

if I could breathe okay because my face was reminiscent of a

blueberry. Does anyone know if this is genetic or has to do with a

poor breathing process?

Oh well. If you see me running on the side of the parkway, I am not

passing out, but rather pushing on.

- Emily

Continuing the Magic

Sunday night. A tough night. An end to a weekend. Back to work. Back to the grind. Back to the wheel. But indeed a new beginning.

I have spent many Sunday nights promising myself that "tomorrow" will be the start of something new. Tomorrow I will start ______ . Those "tomorrow's" are long gone.

This new adventure, this new life, doesn't have an end. It doesn't have a Sunday night. Each day I wake up and I am well aware of the mission and well aware of time.

I am striving for a new Sunday night. Sunday, May 2nd. This Sunday night will be a night of victory for me. A continuation of something great. This moment is the backbeat to every step I take.

I am indeed back from Disney and am still on cloud 9. It was 6 non-stop days, but one of the best vacations I have ever experienced. It was continuous movement and other than one German Biergarten meal and heavenly apple strudel, I am proud to say I behaved. I made the choice and kept my promise to myself.

I am off to set up my tomorrow. The outfit, my food for the day and my bag for the gym. Preparation is eveything. After all, I am not just preparing for one day. I am preparing for the rest of my life.

And it feels oh so good.

*E*