The last 6 months have been a blender of events, emotions, reactions, restrictions and enlightenments. My ideas of what was and what wasn't were shattered. But in the shock and awe of that disillusionment was a new perspective. And that's a gift.
Alteration and shake-up is something that is uneasy and unnatural. The foundation beneath you and the next steps that always seemed so predictable and thoughtless are no longer there. But after the stumbling and the panic, the tears and the despair, comes new footing.
Although I like to think that 27 is still considered to be young, I have seen these waves over my lifetime and I look forward to what the high tide will bring me. But this is scary. It's like running through the woods in the darkness scary. I go from exhilaration to fear that a tree branch is going to meet my face.
I am so used to being in control of what I am doing in life and what comes next. I always had the inclination that letting go and just allowing life to flow is an admission of weakness. Get your white flag out! But day by day, hour by hour I am getting used to this new approach. It's okay to release your grip and let some fresh air into situations. (As you can see, I'm actively convincing myself of this!).
Sooooooooooooooooo...Here I am. This smile? It's all mine.
*E*
